at a time

the hurt grows heavier with time;
all of this – without the friend(ssss) and family, to whom Lawrence is no longer alive –
but this is just a sidebar, an aside:
for I have my inner-child to provide for – to harbor – and we’re hardlly there, libidinal unclear,
shellshocked, in repair, collide;
what a year
my thousand-yard gaze fills me with numb awe, stay thraxxed, mind slack,
eyes wide shut, vagal toned AF, resting heart rate on Jack Dorsey, bitch my microbiome is better than royalty,
and I drink hella tea
no detox, I stay relaxed
in the best health of my mthafvkin life
alone w myself, my california-sober stoner yogi trap wife
making it one thousand, at a time…
a very hard time.

###

Note: This poem is a few days aged, and I’ve got more coming, as this is a crucial time for me wherein my poetry and the art of others is literally keeping me alive, but I just really want to express at the close of National Transgender Awareness week, on this Transgender Day of Remembrance, how much J feel for all my transgender siblings out there, because we are not just ignored and excluded in society, but shunned and made pariahs by those who think we have no right to exist.

…and I never imagined being who I was would be this hard, or that my path would be so terribly lonely. But I’m here with you. And as long as you are here, I will be. Because someone you don’t know needs your courage. Who fucking knew that simply existing could be such an act of defiance – but it’s an act of defiance against hate, and thusly, is an act of love. And all acts of love [Love = ‘wanting happiness for another’.] are worthy, just like you 🧸 🎈

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